In Defense of Pipelines [Satire]

– by Fiske Sterling, CEO, Thanatocorp

cracked_pipeline

(Photo: 44 News)

From Keystone XL to the Dakota Access to dozens of other pipelines proposed across the US to transport crude oil, natural gas, or biofuels, pipelines have gotten a bad rap recently.

We all know the arguments against them: Burning fossil fuels causes climate change. Drilling and fracking harms water quality. Building pipelines steals the land of everyone from farmers to Native Americans. Oil spills pollute water and soil.

But that’s just one side of the story. Pipelines also do a lot of good, if you look at them right. Here are just three examples.

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Activism or Spam? (satire)

– by The Shitty Activist

(The following satirical piece is based on a true story)

antispam_ashby_computers

Graphic: Ashby Computers

As an activist, I know how hard it is to get the word out about a cause. Unlike corporations, we can’t hire our own PR firm to do the job, so it typically falls upon ourselves to spread the message, usually via social media.

I’m admin for the Reddit page (called a “subreddit”) for activism. My job is to moderate the forum and delete any posts that don’t adhere to the rules, mostly those irrelevant to activism and other forms of spam.

It’s pretty easy to determine whether a post has anything to do with activism or not, but spam is a little harder to define. Luckily, Reddit has clear rules about spam, which includes any posts that might be considered “self promotion” of any kind. This doesn’t just mean hawking cheap sunglasses, but also linking to any original pieces you may have written and posted on your own blog.

If you’re not familiar with Reddit, you might be asking why linking to an essay you wrote on a particular topic is treated the same as soliciting pornography. The answer is simple: because it’s the rules. And if you’re an effective activist like I am, you know how important it is to follow rules made by those in charge—whether they appear logical or not—without question.

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How to Slay a Troll (satire)

– by The Shitty Activist 

troll_thezorklibrary

Graphic: thezorklibrary.com

If you’re an activist like me, you’re often riding through the social media landscape of Facebook, Twitter and YouTube, armor agleam, broadsword in hand, embarking on dangerous quests and saving the townsfolk.

And that means you’ve probably come across your share of the most dreaded denizens of these wastelands: trolls. But what are trolls, exactly?

In storybooks, trolls are filthy, misshapen monsters who sulk under bridges and make a meal of passing goats. In the Internet’s enchanted forest, instead of making mayhem from under bridges, trolls wreak havoc from the comments section under articles, videos, and other posts.

Trolls express opinions that conflict with the person who posted the original article, viewpoint or video, and often others frequenting a particular website, page or group. When people react to a troll’s figurative shit-slinging, that’s where it gets its jollies. In fact, it’s the whole point of a troll’s miserable existence.

Let’s look at a few real life examples of classic troll behavior.

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